How do I stay woke?

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I was sitting in my living room watching Seinfeld, and swiping through Tweetbot. My TL these days is consumed by political writers and weird twitter, so it’s a pretty specific area of discourse most of the time.

I came across the video of Philando Castile’s murder, roughly and hour after it happened, via this tweet:

This was the second police shooting (caught on camera) within 24 hours. I hadn’t watched the video of Alton Sterling. Those videos are certainly important to getting people woke, and I know they serve a very real purpose. But I wasn’t in the place to see a man shot and murdered just to be a part of the conversation on social media. These things have a tendency to send me into an obsessive spiral and I was trying to protect myself.

But I couldn’t avoid this one. And it hit hard.

I feel the hurt. I feel the terror. I don’t begrudge anyone. But it’s hard to know what to say; to know what to do.

All I know is that dude was alive. When I watched that video, he was alive. He was moaning. And now he’s not. That man killed him. It was a horrible thing to watch. And I have no idea what to say about it.

Black lives matter.